Oh hi, I know this is late again. I’m very sorry. But really, what better way to spend your Sunday than with Shortland Street?
LAST TIME ON SHORTLAND STREET Tania and Rafe clumsily made out for a while, and then it turned out Rafe took a new job in Laos. Oh no!
The episode opens with Jennifer talking about serious dramas on the telephone, while Maia’s behind her, totally rudely eavesdropping. Jennifer’s ex-husband wants to hang out with her again, and Maia’s all “maybe he remembered what a great person you are” and jeez that’s not very subtle
Anyway, then Jennifer totally ignores Nicole, I guess because of that picture in Maia’s locker last week? Maia gets all sensitive about Jennifer and Nicole’s all “whoa babe you’re awful concerned eh”
Then Rafe, his shirt inexplicably unbuttoned, explains to Tania why he must leave:
god it’s smouldering
Jennifer’s “all dressed up” (she’s wearing a top with sparkles on it) and Maxwell’s all “CHECK U OUT BABE” and it’s pretty sweet. I guess Maxwell has a thing for slightly dowdy middle-aged women? Anyway, then Jennifer decides that her sparkly top is “too much” and takes it off, revealing she’s wearing an identical, non-spangly top underneath it:
Then Maxwell, murder in his eyes, fixes Jennifer’s hair for her, and does a bizarre, somewhat offensive impersonation of a gay hairdresser:
Maia and Wendy, who were in the room to witness this absurd chain of events, get talking about how fantastic Maxwell is, and how both Maxwell and Jennifer are single so sparks could fly. Thanks for that, scriptwriters! Maia gets all pensive/jealous, I guess. When did her having a crush in Jennifer happen? I think I’m totally missing something here
Then Tania’s all telling Yvonne about how she got boned by Rafe, and Yvonne’s all chuffed until Maia says “he’s leaving to set up a hospital in Laos in like three days” because HE’S SUCH A GREAT GUY. From what I remember, about two weeks ago Rafe seriously broke his leg. Which should make him in no state to help build a hospital, probably. There’s nothing worse than a cripple on a construction site.
Then Nicole yells at someone on a telephone, while Bella openly laughs at her:
I’m not kidding, Bella is probably the best character on this show. She offers to organise the Christmas party for Nicole who’s too stupid and angry to get the job done herself. Because who wouldn’t trust this person to get stuff done?;
Maxwell and TK have this incredibly homoerotic conversation about which of them is the bigger ladykiller, and Maia weirdly hints at Maxwell that he should hook up with Jennifer. Then she feels a huge, intense sadness as soon as she finishes saying that.
Rafe and Tania have a run in at Sugar, which is the only place that sells coffee in Auckland other than the hospital cafeteria. In this scene, Tania has a lot of trouble keeping her eyes open and blinks like once every second. It’s pretty disconcerting.
At this point in the episode I want to call that Tania’s going to decide to go to Laos with Rafe. It would be a terrible decision, but the exact kind of thing a Shortland Street Character would do, I think
Bella and Murray then have lunch at the IV. Where she lives with her boyfriend Brodie, who also works there, with Bella’s father. That’s a really weird situation. Anyway Murray’s all “YOU CAN HOLD THE CHRISTMAS PARTY HERE BABE”:
Brodie’s all “nah, Sophie doesn’t want any Christmas parties here after her dead husband killed someone at last year’s party” but really who cares about that kind of thing? And so Bella decides she’ll pitch the Christmas party at the IV, with the condition that Murray and Brodie don’t hate eachother.
I haven’t mentioned it, but there have been at least two scenes so far in this episode of Jennifer and Maxwell spouting medical jargon at eachother in the emergency department. Something about someone dying of a burst breast implant or something. I don’t know.
Then Tania strolls into the hospital off the street on her day off “looking for someone to have lunch with”. God, I’m glad my life isn’t that miserable. Then Nicole makes some joke about Rafe hitting on nurses to which Tania hilariously replies “your joke sucked, keep your stupid opinions to yourself”. Maybe that’s why no one wants to have lunch with her? Nicole placates the angry Tania by giving her a lollipop. I’m serious, that happened.
What is bald creepy glasses doctor’s job? All he seems to do is sit next to the patients during operations and tell surgeons they’re doing it wrong, which seems counter-productive, right? Anyway, Jennifer’s burst implant patient is ALL GO FOR OPERATION
Chris and Rafe, who as far as I was aware hadn’t met until now, are having a very serious conversation outside at the IV, but Rafe’s mind is locked on #1 hospital megababe Tania.
Then, speak of the devil, Tania and Yvonne stroll into the bar and the following conversation takes place:
Tania: “thanks for hanging out with me, now I’m not so pathetic”
Tania’s mother: “I’m your mother, that’s what I’m here for.”
Pretty sure hanging out with your mother at a bar on a Friday night because no one else will is the epitome of pathetic. Yvonne orders a hot chocolate, and really swiftly just walks off, leaving Tania to foot the bill. What a godawful bitch. Then Brodie tells Tania Rafe is feeling “down in the dumps”. woooo
Hanging out with bald creepy glasses doctor must be such a god damned pain. Look how he’s all up in Jennifer’s grill as they walk along after a successful operation:
Like, back off weirdo. He says what he needs to say and promptly storms off, and she gets intercepted by Maxwell, who asks her out for a drink. Why on earth is everyone crushing on Jennifer all of a sudden? Does she have some strange magnetism that I am mysteriously impervious to?
Maxwell’s all “I need a flatmate” and so Jennifer’s all “yeah okay”. Pretty sure if you’re like 35 and you have a fulltime job as a surgeon in a private hospital you don’t need a flatmate. Probably at that point you should consider buying a house or something. Although I think this might be the exact way Maxwell first boned Sarah nearly a year ago exactly.
Maia’s tickled pink at the news that her and Jennifer will soon be neighbours:
So from Bella and Nicole’s conversation the IV costs $5000 to hire for a night, not including drinks. What the hell? Where’s that money going then? Pretty sure nobody would pay $5000 to spend their supposed party in the same shithole bar they spend every night of their lives in. Also, if the Christmas party’s venue and drinks budget is $5000, ou know it’s going to end up in like a carpark or something.
Then Tania and Rafe have a very intense close-quarters conversation in a lift:
they decide it’s a good idea to “take the risk” of hanging out together for a couple of days, and make out for a while. Lifts aren’t exactly private places, you know
Maia helpfully tells Maxwell it’s a bad idea for Jennifer to move in with him because “you’ve obviously got designs on her” and he counters by being all “naw looks like you want her”.
And that’s the week-ending cliffhanger. Seriously.