Shortland Street Feb 2: "Rampant Lesbian Carry-on"

Okay so tonight on opening TVNZ on demand and clicking on tonight’s episode I was given the synopsis “Andrew gets in deeper with Tash” who? what? Also, it 100% wasn’t tonight’s episode, instead an episode from like three days ago. Anyway, now it is fixed but it still promises drama between Andrew and Tash.

Last night: Brooke planted morphine in Luke’s napkins and manipulated Chris into accompanying her to Luke’s to hang out. Chris found the morphine and it was looking bad for Luke.

Tonight: We open our episode with Brooke looking pretty smug and Luke looking bewildered. Luke quickly figures most of the plot of the last month or so out surmising that Brooke planted the morphine in his house and the nasal spray and that she has something to do with the corrupted computer files and that it ALL has something to do with William Wilson/Tintor. Chris looks on with pity and shame while Brooke acts all innocent and confused. Poor Luke! He is all “I thought Isaac was my friend! and now he is systematically undermining me!” I want Luke to get a lady. He deserves some lovin’ after all this morphine halabaloo.

While Luke is having his life ruined Maia ventures over to Jennifer/Maxwell’s house where Maxwell opens the door looking very muscley indeed. Jennifer trots down the stairs carrying her suitcase signifying that yes, indeed she is leaving the show after all. Maia is all “DON’T GO!” but Jennifer all “I was wrong to sex you” etc and Maia can’t believe that Jennifer doesn’t want to stay with such a wonderful example of responsible womanhood

Jennifer is all “I was attracted to you but we did the wrong thing! I’m sorry! BYE!” and off she runs leaving Maia to sob in Maxwell’s doorway

So I guess it looks like the Jennifer character has done her dash! a pretty bizarre employment period for her in which she arrived,  almost hooked up with Chris, almost hooked up with TK, totally hooked up with Maia all the while wearing her funny fringe. Now she is off to make that other new TV show I saw the trailer for where she is having sex in the snow. What an character arc.

Over in the underground car park Isaac and Brooke are busy gleefully reliving their dastardly plans to ruin Luke’s career. Unfortunately for them recently inquisitive and Luke loving Bella exits the lifts and makes her way to her car while Brooke loudly squawks about how awesome she was at ruining Luke’s life. Brooke, on seeing Bella slaps Isaac across the face and launches into another “go away you jerk!” type speech. I don’t think Bella is convinced.

At Maia’s house Nicole and Yvonne are bonding over what an idiot Maia is. On cue Maia returns and is all “don’t go tonight” and so Nicole decides to stay on the couch and prolong the agony. In order to achieve this Nicole opens a letter written by Jennifer to Maia which Maia has left on the couch. The next morning Maia comes downstairs all dripping with guilt and selfishness. Nicole decides to play some mind games and insists on reading out Jennifer’s letter to Maia. It’s pretty mean but you know, Maia was a total jerk to her so there you go. The gist of the letter is “I was bored. I wanted to see what it was like to get with a woman. Sorry I ruined so many lives! Laterz!”. Basically kind of like “I kissed a girl” but she didn’t like it.

Meanwhile Rachel, Chris and Callum are having another one of their awkward bedside chats. Rachel gives Callum the run down on all the important storylines and Callum is hilariously mean. Chris is all “mate, we found drugs at Luke’s house” and Callum is all “Oh you should be able to help him Chris, you used to enjoy a taste back in the day!”


and then he calls the two of them “an ex-alcoholic and an ex-junkie” and they just look at each other all awkwardly.

Having been effectively pegged as a drug fiend Luke is suspended with pay. I would LOVE to be suspended with
pay! It’s like having a holiday but you don’t have to use your holiday
pay! Because he is suspended he is ejected from the hospital escorted by a
somewhat burly security guard named “Trev”. Bella and Luke have a heartfelt goodbye
in reception and they hug and part as the best of friends. What an
unlikely pairing!

Over at TK’s house (mysteriously bereft of TK) its a mum intervention for Scotty. Shanti’s mum, Rena Owen and Tracey try to convince Scotty that he should move back in with Tracey. Scotty looks constantly exhausted and souless these days. He must be pretty depressed, he is constantly surrounded by women haranguing him about his every move.The mothers do well however, convincing Scotty to return to the cursed house of so many bad goings-on. Suddenly they both declare their intentions to leave the city at least in the case of Rena Owen who is now off to visit that ex-prostitute daughter in Wellington and Shanti’s mum leaves too, either for Sydney or just for the hospital cafe for another coffee date with Yvonne. This leaves Scotty and Tracey alone together, uncomfortably aware of how the last time they were both there Scotty tried his darndest to slaughter Tracey.

Back in the hospital corridors Isaac is busy making more people all sad by having a nice old chinwag about Maia and Nicole’s horror of a relationship with Brooke. He giggles about the “rampant lesbian carry on” while Nicole lurks in a corner overhearing the gossip about her and her stupid love triangle.

There is some drama brewing about the orderlies being forced to upskill to “health care assistants”. The meeting between these orderlies and Rachel occurs in the hospital cafe while a woman wipes down all the tables. That’s kinda weird? Wouldn’t you have the meeting in say, the staff room? Or somewhere less public and 100% in the way? I’m not really sure exactly why this scene is happening but I think maybe Daniel needed something to do that wasn’t Sophie? Either way, I forsee it cropping up for a while yet. Maybe some kind of orderlies strike?

At Maia’s pad Nicole and Maia are embroiled in a heart to heart about the state of their relationship. Maia, having had booty lockdown from Jennifer is now desperate to make good with Nicole. 
Nicole is preparing to leave the Maia house for good when Maia starts
begging and being all lame. You can’t have your Jennifer and eat it too
Maia! Nicole seems to be about to accept Maia’s grovelling ways and give the relationship another go when there comes a knock at the door. Who could that be? It turns out to be Nicole’s mother (as predicted by flyingvfender!) That makes four naggy mothers in the picture now! FOUR! That’s enough for tennis doubles! Based on tomorrow’s sneak preview and the intel of commenter flyingvfender Nicole and Maia are going to be forced into a potentially hilarious potentially sexy pretend relationship so that Nicole’s mum will be happy? I don’t know, last we heard her mum was angry at Nicole for being a lesbian so I guess it is important to Nicole to prove that the lady lovin’ is working out? Anyway, it might be a situation of “fake it till you make it” because it looks like they might get back together. If that happens it will be such a huge waste of time. The Jennifer storyline will have come to naught.

Well at least we will always have this sweet, sweet picture

I would marry that picture if I could.

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  • Hangthedj

    “Quick, it’s my lesbian hating mother- Let’s make out in front of her so she knows we’re okay.” Hmm… wouldn’t that just piss her off? And why is she even visiting her daughter unannounced? As if Maia’s house wasn’t full enough with her child from an old relationship, her mother who wants to feed said child “fatty sausages” and her ex-lover. What I wonder is how far they’ll take this ‘fake relationship’- it’s not like they made out much even when they were together… Hmm. Maybe they’ll go all Maia and Jennifer and stick it to each other all the time now. And Maia can dress Nicole up in a clip on fringe and pretend. Everyone would be happy, minus Nicole’s mother. But who cares, she’s only there cause everyones mothers were dropping by, including Shanti’s, which is just awkward.

  • ferndale

    I was really hoping the other mother would be Luke Durville’s mum. I don’t remember if she has ever featured before but surely she would be some kind of kook right? I think this storyline might be kind of like that Sandra Bullock/Ryan Reynolds movie…the proposal? yes. Betty White character= Nicole’s mum. Maybe.

  • Davis

    Hahaha they stuffed that up. Andrew & Tash are on Neighbours

  • evole

    “I would marry that picture if I could.”

    Hilarious! Thanks for the laughs! Moral of the story, stay the H away from confused straight chicks.

  • Corrin

    I think Jennifer was suffering from a bit of old fashioned gay panic, she prolly thought Maia was gonna start sticking rainbow stickers on her car and taking her to parades. How did she go from ‘I think I’m falling in love with you Maia’ to ‘I don’t have the same feelings for you”? What a crock, she just couldn’t handle what people would think. Instead we now get to witness Maia cosying up to her second choice who she is not in love with. Way to go shorty writers let’s keep Maia with the gf she has nothing in common with, I would rather they bring in someone else for Maia than be subjected to her and nicole again. I am hoping Jennifer will come back at some stage but I won’t hold my breath. Farewell clip on fringe!

  • Alyx

    Gay panic thats what it seems like to me, Nicole and Maia have very little in common and have been living in boring domestic bliss for too long.  If the writers had any sense they would have made nicole run away when she found out that Maia killed Ethan

  • Corrin

    And let’s be honest, had Jennifer broke up a straight relationship she would have started dating the guy no problems! She would be at the IV drinking wine with Rachel and Chris having a toast to the homewreckers club!

  • Now she is off to make that other new TV show I saw the trailer for where she is having sex in the snow.

    Just out of curiosity, whats the TV show called?

  • ferndale

    Hi. I have to agree with everyone. Tv New Zealand have alot to answer
    for. For taking of a programme IE Day of our lives. When there is so
    many people that are very loyall fans of Day’s of our lives. You guy’s
    dont care about our right’s everyone has a right to let out there
    feeling’s but you guy’s don’t seem to care. Because if you did we would
    be us  answer’s about it. You guy’s think that it is ok to put the
    like’s of Simpson’s on and also other cartoon’s on  that have killing
    and murder’sin them also that have repeats on that are just a waist of
    money and time to watch. You expect us to be proud of New Zealand but
    how can we be proud of it when our right’s have been takin of us. Us
    loyall fan’s will never give up on day’s of our live’s. I hope you all
    loose you’r job’s over it and then you will know what it is like to
    loose something when it has been takin of you like what you have taken
    of us.


  • ferndale

    Also, the TV show you’re thinking of is “Jennifer From Shortland Street Gets Nailed in the Snow”

    /The Almighty Johnsons