Shortland Street, April 18: High definition babes

Last time on Shortland Street: Jill got a visit from a bad guy who holds dark secrets to her previous BADJILL incarnation, Gabrielle and that DHB monster hit it off and she promised him sex on the third date, Chris got all jealous and THEN Murray and Vasa made out while covered in beer foam!

Tonight: Murray shows up at the hospital and runs into the old ball and chain gabbin’ with Callum. Wendy is all “I’ll go get changed and then I can give you that BJ we talked about earlier” and Murray’s like “If we must”. Wendy bustles off and Callum (who is at the hospital why? last we saw of him he had judged Vasa’s sapasui as aces and departed the bar) starts going on and on about how delicious Vasa’s sapasui was. Once, he says, he had some in Samoa and it was all corned beef and peas- yucks, but Vasa! Well, her sapasui was just DELICIOUS SO TASTY. Wendy is the beef and peas to Vasa’s fabulous sapasui. Callum says that Vasa has “a sharp tongue” and Murray’s like “yeah, I know, sharp and sexy all soft and supple tickling my tonsils and all rubbin’ up against my Mr.Murray”. Murray wants to tell Wendy about the make out session

But Callum is firmly against this idea. In Callum’s experience “what a woman doesn’t know doesn’t hurt her”.

He tells Murray that since he is vastly more experienced in cheating on his various ladies Murray should probably listen up good lest he find himself in the dog box.

Over at Callum’s house Gabrielle and that ghoul are flirting again. Gabrielle says that she likes playing computer games and being Lara Croft sometimes too. That beast leers “Do you enjoy dressing up as her as well?”And seriously, could he be any creepier?

But Gabbins finds it endearing that he is always on the creepy make. She then tells him that she likes getting to know him since she “has never been out with a ruthless personality type before”. What she means is “I have never dated a souless husk”. She then tells him that she is off to get some beauty sleep. He’s all “can I join you?” and she’s all “No. I bang on the third date. I’m a lady”.

He is pleased, he is one date away from Gabby-grabbin’. How gross.

So now there are these new between scenes establishing shots. So far there has been an ambulance driving at night from above, people on the skytower panning out to see Auckland and a crowd of shoppers crossing the street. Some kind of Auckland showcasing mandate?

At the hospital Chris and DHB Shane have a little pissing match about Gabrielle. DHB tells Chris off for treating Gabrielle like she has special needs and tells him to step off already, his time hitting that is over. Chris is all prickly and Rachel is unimpressed.

At the I.V Hunter and Jill are rambling on about some crap and Sarah is in the background doing her “I am full of baby” schtick. When a woman is pregnant it is physically impossible for her not to constantly rub and grab her expanding middle. That’s scientific fact.

Anyway, they leave and Chris comes in and immediately faces off with Sarah about the whole Gabrielle thing from before. Sarah takes a break from belly touching to work on her facial expressions

Chris doesn’t like them and leaves.

At the hospital DHB sees Gabrielle and is all “hey sexy! I booked us a table for dinner and a room for DESSERT- and by that I mean LET’S COPULATE”. Gabrielle tells him “nah, I gotta prep for surgery”. He gets all riled up tells her off for stringing him along. She’s all “well, I will screw you on the third date, I just can’t do it tonight”. He won’t hear of it and his blue ballin’ rage gets the best of him and he storms off, ghoulin’ all the way.

At Sugar that god awful Evan is there doing his usual “I’m a little prick” routine all googlie eyes and monotonous insults. Ula is all sore about being dumped by Phoenix for Jasmaggot and Vasa, bless her little soul, is sick and tired of hearing her whine about it. She is all “get a grip, Ula, he didn’t want you, get over it”. Damn straight sister.

More scenes of Auckland streets and crowds. Weird. I guess now everyone in Auckland has the chance to potentially be on Shortland Street? Shortland Street should do an episode in a different city! Like the time Kip and Alice went to Rarotonga or something. Ula could run away back ot Wellington or something. Callum could go woman hunting in Dunedin. The various buskers of Courtenay Place could feature, that would be something else, and in HD too!

At the cafe again that grubby old friend of Jill’s who is all criminal and stuff is manufacturing a meet cute with Hunter. Hunter invites grubby guy to lunch with Jill. Awkward.

Meanwhile Murray is sitting down to a nice muffin with Wendy when he is struck with a case of the guilts. Wendy is all “you kept me up all night Murray, all that tossing and turning”. Yes. Exactly.

Murray starts to break the bad news to Wendy “Wendy, I made a mistake with Vasa”. Vasa walks in and overhears this and immediately turns and exits. Murray however chickens out and finishes with “I short changed her once”. Wendy’s like “dude, you worry too much, life is great! yay!” and Murray’s all “yeah. This is tragic”.

Over in the operating room Chris and Gabrielle are busy making holes in people in HD. It’s kinda gross!

A few filler scenes: Maxwell tells Vasa to make good whatever she is feeling guilty about, that grubby ex of Jill’s tells her that when “tough on crime” Hunter finds out she is an ex con he will leave her high and dry, Sarah belly rubs some more.

At the I.V Gabrielle shows up to meet Shane having decided that he is more important than her work prep. He’s all “okay, shall we go eat dinner?” and Gabrielle says “I’m not hungry, Let’s go to your place and have sex”. Actually says that. Man she’s good.

At the hospital cafe Ula bullies Jasmaggot in HD then Wendy comes in an separates them. Murray is the Phoenix to Wendy’s Ula and Vasa’s Jasmine, all man stealing and stuff. Anyway, Vasa rolls up and misunderstands Wendy’s words and confessing to pashing Muzza. Wendy is dumbstruck. In HD.


Subscribe to our mailing list

About the author

An excellent gift for the kids!
More from this author »

  • Duncan

    What was up with the lighting last night? Looked like it was on some shitty stage play. And those cutaway shots of auckland/ferndale were disconcerting too. especially the one where they zoomed out from the sky tower. Too close to reality. I don’t like change.

    Also – how can they be all ‘winter season of shawty’ but not give us our Monday hour-longs? Total rip off. Apart from that, I’m really looking forward to the Vasa-comeuppance and the Cooper family explosion. Great pick up on Pregnant Potts’ facials. I like the one where she looks like she’s got a pencil thin Frenchy moustache.

  • reece_555

    Shortland Street may be in HD now but it looks awful reminds me of how it looked about 11 years ago all cheap looking before the upgrade then, as you said Duncan “some shitty stage play” which is what the actors do before and after they leave shortland street. The Auckland shots are also pointless as neither of the characters venture out that far to often as ferndale west, south, central whatever…… is the only place they appear to go to.

    Probably have to wait until the Amazing Race is over until hour mondays begin.

  • Napierinframe

    We flicked over to watch The Amazing Race last night and caught the last few minutes of SS and were rather stunned by the clarity of the picture – even on the old CRT (remember them, big, square, freakin’ heavy things with a rounded glass screen?) tv we have.

    They do realise, though, that playing Shorty in HD will only make the actors look worse (as per the excellent quality screen-shots above) the ever-wodden acting even more pine plantationy, the plot lines holeyer, the sets tackier and reveal the true physical toll of Chris Warner’s countless years on the show?

    Oh the humanity! What have they done??!!

  • David Finch

    Napierframe. How interesting to read criticsm of Shortland Street from someone who only saw a few minutes when tuning in to watch that great example of televisual art The Amazing Race.

  • johno

    Napierframe if you were watching on an old CRT you weren’t seeing it in HD ya moron. You need an HDTV for that buddy.