OK, so this is my first episode for 2011. QUICK NOTE: I am working some weird hours at my job right now so every second update here will be of varying quality. Yes. I would say it’s good to be back, but honestly, it isn’t really.
LAST TIME ON SHORTLAND STREET there was an explosion and Hunter yelled at Chris and Rachel. It was pretty amazing.
Tonight’s episode opens with the Wendys, who are eternally grateful for Chris’ incredibly convenient bastard child Phoenix for saving their shitty son/brother’s life:
Bella seems to have aged about five years over summer. What the hell happened there? Jeeezzz
Callum’s surgery went “very well” which is kind of annoying, I mean if nobody dies that whole fire/explosion storyline will have been just one tremendous waste of time. Anyway, they’re kind of signalling there’s “a risk he’ll get infected” so you know. Then Nicole tells Jennifer and Maia to curb their enthusiasm, which just makes me wish I was watching a much better show
This episode so far is just one aftermath scene after another. It’s like, nothing happens on Shortland Street all year, then for maybe two episodes we get more plot than the producers know what to do with, then we just get a lot of people talking about what an eventful few days they’ve had.
Anyway bald creepy glasses doctor is back from his abduction adventure and it turns out he has no idea who abducted him, or why. Which is actually acceptable, because I’m having a hard time remembering myself. Anyway, Isaac looks tickled pink at this news. Everything’s wrapped up nicely, almost like nothing even happened to begin with. Delightful!
Tracey has decided she wants to go home to go to sleep, I assume because she wants Scotty to bust in and do some kills. Terrible move. TK and Rena Owen decide they’re gonna stay with her too, and then they give eachother this really loving look:
and I mean, Rena Owen could do a lot worse, right?
Brooke and Isaac sit down for a coffee, and Brooke’s angry at him. Now, a normal person would be angry at Isaac because he did some illegal dealings which resulted in his colleague and his friend getting abducted and in one case, seriously injured. Brooke, meanwhile, is angry because he didn’t include her in his ridiculous, unbelievably stupid schemes. Maybe she’s going to be a sociopath again?
oh I am so evil and scheming ho ho ho
Anyway, turns out Isaac is allowed to be as much of an evil dipshit as he wants, as long as Brooke’s in on it. Well, that’s gonna be a recipe for good vibes no denyin
Anyway then we get this really long scene in which Phoenix talks to Mr and Mrs Wendy. Murray gets all self-loathing because he should have known where Evan was in hiding and he should have been able to “think like him” And I mean I don’t want to break in on his self-pity parade, but really, not thinking like a boorish prick is not really a character flaw. And when you’re Murray, you’ve got to take all the mitigating factors you can get your creepy hands on.
Then Phoenix is all “oh yeah actually I knew where Evan was all along, also he was in my house while he was on the run”. Murray gets pretty angry at this news, because I mean it’s definitely Phoenix’s fault his son is a shitty little creep who throws bitchfits and runs away from home when he’s not allowed to go pig killin’, and Phoenix is all out in the cold with the Wendys
guhh this is the second time I’ve got that State Insurance “poochie” ad tonight. God my life is agony.
TK tells Chris, Rachel and Yvonne to look out for crazy Scotty. If they see crazy Scotty, they are to call the police or TK. I mean, whichever one you call, you’re a winner, right? Chris, very concerned, tells TK and Tracey that they have, in fact, called the mental health unit. What a strange piece of dialogue. Tracey is very grateful for everyone’s support:
Hunter, who has forgotten how to act during the summer break, woodenly thanks Jennifer for operating on his father’s “penetrating injuries”. Also, he calls Jennifer “Dr Mason”. Pretty sure he made out with her not that long ago, and I mean it’s a pretty big leap from hooking up with someone to formal honorifics, but whatever. Also, Sophie acts like a mean-spirited bitch.
Rachel’s pretty clearly real shaken because her partner who she just
dumped got blown up to save her life, but Chris is a pretty smooth guy
and repeatedly demands she come home with him, so he can stick it to her
all post-traumatic like. He’s pretending to be sensitive, when really
there’s only one thing he wants. He wants to give her some penetrating
Phoenix and Ula defend their “don’t ask don’t tell” position on their runaway scumbag friend to Maxwell and Chris. Ula takes the pretty much invulnerable “Evan’s father is beating him” defence, but I’m pretty sure if the police met Evan they’d probably be alright with a bit of child abuse. Anyway, Chris is like “right now Evan needs his friends more than ever” in what I can only assume is a clumsy grab for poignancy by the writers. Except Evan doesn’t need his friends. Unless his friends are like, doctors, or something. And I don’t think Ula is his friend anyway.
Rachel asks a nurse if it’s OK to see Callum, and the nurse is all “sure” in an American accent. And I want to know whether this extra was American, or if it’s a fake accent. It’s worth noting, Rachel’s wearing this real big fluffy bathrobe as she stumbles around the hospital, and it’s way better than the ones hospital patients normally get. Does that mean she got her own bathrobe from home?
Anyway, Rachel opens her big apology to unconscious Callum by calling him an idiot, which is always a good opening gambit, then Hunter busts in and is like “hey get out babe” and she’s like “alright” and then she does this real pitiful attempt at crying:
Then a very emotional Murray and Wendy debrief over a nice mug of cocoa:
Then the Warner family (featuring god damned Harry) debrief over a nice game of chess:
Rachel decides she wants to follow up with the building company as to why exactly there were explosive cylinders in the apartment building. I don’t want to sound vain, but it’s almost like the writers read this blog asking that very question when it happened and were like “oh yeah, actually that is stupid”. Then Chris sensitively attempts to get all up in Rachel’s business again. Sexually, I mean.
Then TK and Rena Owen and Tracey debrief over a nice bunch of shopping bags:
uh not much to say here. Rena Owen’s told everyone she knows to be on the lookout for crazy Scotty, presumably to call the police or TK at the first sign of trouble
oh also Evan’s OK, unfortunately
In the hospital staffroom, Nicole and bald creepy glasses doctor debrief over a nice mug of cocoa:
Wait, so this was the Russian’s grand plan: they first abducted bald creepy glasses doctor because he was getting too suspicious, and kept him blindfolded in a room for like four days. Then they beat up that bad man and broke his hand. Then they thoughtfully dropped bald creepy glasses doctor off on the street, because there is no way he can continue to be suspicious now, right? Jesus, what a load of bullshit.
Look it’s a cat on Shortland Street
Tracey’s all tossing and turning in bed, where she’s totally a sitting duck for crazy Scotty, who’s totally still at large. She gets up and walks around a bit, then she goes back to bed. Then crazy Scotty appears in the window. Oh it is so bone chilling. I hope they show more of that cat.
Over at the Warner house Rachel wakes up and honestly Chris, maybe back off a little bit?:
Anyway, then the police (or TK) call Rachel and ask her to come down to the station. Chris helpfully informs her (and the audience) that the police suspect “suspicious circumstances”. Rachel’s facing this one alone, though
Evan has a crude recollection of what happened during the fire, and Wendy rattles off a list of people who were there that fateful day to help jog his memory. Pretty sure when I was like 14, I had no idea who my parents’ workmates were. In fact, I have no idea now. I have no idea how this is helping anyone. Anyway, Murray says as soon as Evan’s up to it, they’re going to “hit the dirtbikes”. “Hard.” Almost as hard as Murray hits Evan?
Rachel busts up their convo with the shocking news that the police are going to investigate Evan with doing some serious arson on the apartment building. Uh, that’s exciting I guess?