So TVNZ on demand opens with this baffling ad where Ido Drent says he’s “supporting global hunger” and goes to East Timor, where he sits there with this big grin on his face being all “THESE PEOPLE HAVE NOTHING”. Christ, what an asshole.
And I mean, on demand isn’t even working, except for this ad, which is playing over and over. Man, I’m angry.
LAST TIME ON SHORTLAND STREET TK professed his love for Sarah’s unborn child, then he performed cunnilingus on her while Auntie Queenie watched:
this convinces Auntie Queenie to make Sarah fight to get TK back.
Tonight’s episode opens with Scotty issuing a brutal “written warning” to Wendy for totally losing her rag at Vasa in front of everyone like some kind of psychotic lunatic. Really digging how Scotty, back from his holiday, clearly doesn’t care about anything anymore.
Over at Ula and Vasa’s new set, Ula starts acting like this weird bitch about Vasa mackin on Murray and stuff. She’s like “this is worse than that time you had sex with Nicole” (did that happen?) and I mean she has no need to be this mad? I don’t know
Daniel’s “debugged” a “gremlin” and you know he means business because he’s wearing a business shirt. Hunter’s this big lesbian (I wrote this part rapidly while watching the show and I like it too much to change it)
Over in the cafe, Shavaughn from What Now’s dad is licking his own fingers:
then TK pops in and he and dad have this really awkward conversation about how much TK wants to bone his daughter
Paige strolls over to gloat at Hunter about how he looks like a great big lesbian and she’s going to be a doctor and he’s a useless scumbag. Then they have this weird argument about who’s got a better job. I think there’s meant to be simmering sexual tension? I don’t know. Hunter seems like he should be hooking up with Maia or something
Maxwell and Nicole are having this sweet conversation about how Vasa and Murray made out while covered in foam. Bella overhears this, so Maxwell just walks off, and Nicole’s left with the awkward task of telling Bella her dad is some kind of beer soaked scumbag
Wendy summons Jasmine and Evan, and totally lays the responsibility for her bitchfit at Vasa on them, which is really bad parenting. Like, maybe it’s her own fault she’s this huge marauding bitch? I don’t know
Paige is hangin with Chris talking about “main arteries” and some bullshit while Hunter ferries old men around the hospital. But he just can’t resist chiming in like an asshole and being “oh yeah actually I know more than you bitch”, and just lay off buddy
Ula and Phoenix are sitting metres away from eachother and having this excruciating text conversation:
Evan and Jasmine bust in and start acting like jerks, then Evan makes a reference to crack cocaine and everyone argues about Vasa and Murray making out. Then Ula leaves. Hey sorry I’m not really paying much attention tonight, it’s real hard to divide my attention between between Shortland Street and the Missy Elliot videos currently playing on our TV.
Sarah goes up to Tracey and with no regard for social norms whatsoever starts yelling at her about how she wants TK back. Tracey’s like “god shut up leave me alone alright?”
Over at the IV, Brodie has to be coerced into accepting money when people buy drinks. Because you know, he’s real good at running a business and stuff. Then Hunter goes over to Chris and Callum and hey presto he’s back in med school. This episode’s really weird. Heaps of really (un?)intentionally funny stuff, like people just walking off in the middle of conversations and stuff
Evan busts into the bar and yells at Murray for cheating on Wendy in front of like, everyone. Murray’s real humiliated. Jesus, Missy Elliot is incredible.
Sarah busts in on TK’s office and starts desperately pleading at him to take her back so they can be together 4-eva. He responds by breathing heavily and looking really intensely at her. She’s like
More people being angry at Murray for macking on Vasa. Seriously, he should be like, high-fived and stuff. Wish I could mack on Vasa.
Sarah’s trying to roll a guy called Mr Whore over, but she can’t because she’s too pregnant and pregnant people can’t do anything
btw, you’re welcome, New Zealand.
Shavaughn from What Now pops in and help her roll over Mr Whore and Sarah’s like “nah don’t touch me” and shuts the curtain on her face for pretty much no reason ho ho ho
Paige pops in to tell Hunter about how to be a doctor again. Her hot tip is to take prescription meds to study but because he’s a massive pussy he just reacts by being a bit angry. Then he’s happy.
Ula goes home to Vasa, who wastes no time in yelling at her, because her head’s shaped like a bean, or something. Then people start throwing rocks through the window because hey, why not? Someone broke our letterbox like a month ago, it was bullshit
TK is sitting staring straight ahead when Shavaughn from What Now comes home. It looks like he’s about to dump her: all the signs are there: heavy breathing, intensely crazy eyes, compulsive lip-licking. But no – it’s a fake-out. Just then he proposes and yeah that’s real exciting etc I hope she accepts man I want to take a nap