bigger better faster stronger

Check out this auction for a rocket featured on tonight’s second episode of TV3’s Bigger Better Faster Stronger.

The Trademe listing reads:

This rocket is one of two made for the super cool new TV show Bigger, Better, Faster, Stronger for the episode which airs 8pm Monday 14 February on TV3.

Constructed out of stainless steel and brawn by one of the manliest and least nerdiest scientists in New Zealand – Peter Beck (who sent NZs first rocket into space, hes kinda like Ernest Rutherford but less moustachey).

This rocket is capable of traveling at the speed of sound (which is faster than anything you currently have in your house, unless you purchased a Mig after the collapse of the Soviet Union? .yeah, didnt think so). How can you possibly call yourself a real man without this in your possession? The answer, you cant, you big sissy.

Any idiot can buy a gun. It takes a man to stump up the courage to tell his wife he needs a bunch of cash for a rocket. Or even more manly bravery to just not tell her at all, buy the goddamn thing and wear it later.

But I know what youre thinking, what the hell am I going to do with a rocket filled with (unfortunately totally inert) solid rocket fuel?

Easy.

1) Ring up your best friend. Say “Hey do you have a rocket?” Hell reply no. “Really, I do”. Then hang up.

2) Put it in front of your crotch and pretend its your pen!s.

3) Attach it to the side of your car. Install two red trigger buttons on your steering wheel and every time youre stuck in traffic, pretend youre firing that nasty looking missile into the cream coloured Honda Accord in front of you.

4) Use it to open bottles of beer, or flip bits of steak on the BBQ. Women may pass out at the sheer manliness of it all.

5) Loan it to your child for their science project. Good luck Dad with child who constructed paper mache volcano. 2nd place is a b!tch.

Etc

Not only are you buying the coolest thing youve ever purchased in your life, youre also helping out sick kids as all proceeds will be going to the Starship Hospital. The possibility of you getting lucky tonight after you drop that bomb on your wife just tripled my friend.

It’s a big night on TV so what are your picks for what to watch?  

What are you watching live and what are you putting on the PVR?

2011 will see Mediaworks shift the target demographics for TV3 to the same as TV One; 25-54.  This has a few implications which will see some shows moving to the rebranded and refocused Four.

Below are a list of new and returning shows with trailers.

New

The Event

Hawaii Five-O

An Idiot Abroad

Raising Hope

The Defenders

Blue Bloods

The Gruen Transfer

James May’s Man Lab

Terriers

The X Factor USA

New local content
The Almighty Johnsons – From the makers of Outrageous Fortune – trailer
Bigger, Better, Faster, Stronger – James Coleman’s new show – trailer
Super City – Taika Waititi’s six part observational comedy
Brown Bruthaz – Fast paced comedy about hitting the big time starring Taungaroa Emile, Scott Cotter, Nicola Kawana, Shane Cortese and Shavaughn Ruakere
Drug Bust – Fast paced factual observational series following police drug busts in Counties Manukau

Returning Shows
3 News
3 News At 12
Nightline
Sports Tonight
Campbell Live
60 Minutes
Reel Late with Kate
What’s Really In Our…?
New Zealand’s Next Top Model
New Zealand’s Hottest Home Baker
7 Days
Road Cops
Target
Glee
The Graham Norton Show
Californication
Grand Designs
House
Home and Away
Farmer Wants a Wife
NCIS
NCIS: Los Angeles
CSI
CSI: Miami
CSI: NY
Bones
SVU
The Good Wife
Lie To Me
Law & Order: Los Angeles
The Big C
Nurse Jackie
Missing Pieces
Modern Family
Family Guy

From a ratings perspective, it shouldn’t be too surprising that NZ’s Hottest Home Baker returns, despite how much viewers loved to hate on it. 

Our pick of the bunch have to be Ricky Gervais’ new project An Idiot Abroad.  If you haven’t heard the podcasts with Karl Pilkington then go take a listen and you’ll quickly understand why this show has been a ratings hit for Sky1 in the UK.

With all the hype and expectation that Outrageous Fortune has set up for The Almighty Johnsons, the trailer seemed to fall a little flat.  It didn’t really deliver much of a hook other than “this is the show to follow on from OF”. Big shoes to fill and only time will tell as to whether it can deliver similiar audiences to TV3.

James Coleman’s new show Bigger, Better, Faster, Stronger looks good and is reminiscent of Mythbusters where two teams try and improve stuff. If not for anything else, kiwi guys trying to blow stuff up should rate well.

The Hawaii Five-O remake is worth a watch too.

The big one for 2011 will be The X Factor US. Simon Cowell’s return in his own show for the first time in America will probably by the highest rating show in the US next year.  How TV3 capitalise on this will be fascinating.

What are your picks?  Any obvious duds?