Check out this auction for a rocket featured on tonight’s second episode of TV3′s Bigger Better Faster Stronger.
The Trademe listing reads:
This rocket is one of two made for the super cool new TV show Bigger, Better, Faster, Stronger for the episode which airs 8pm Monday 14 February on TV3.
Constructed out of stainless steel and brawn by one of the manliest and least nerdiest scientists in New Zealand – Peter Beck (who sent NZs first rocket into space, hes kinda like Ernest Rutherford but less moustachey).
This rocket is capable of traveling at the speed of sound (which is faster than anything you currently have in your house, unless you purchased a Mig after the collapse of the Soviet Union? .yeah, didnt think so). How can you possibly call yourself a real man without this in your possession? The answer, you cant, you big sissy.
Any idiot can buy a gun. It takes a man to stump up the courage to tell his wife he needs a bunch of cash for a rocket. Or even more manly bravery to just not tell her at all, buy the goddamn thing and wear it later.
But I know what youre thinking, what the hell am I going to do with a rocket filled with (unfortunately totally inert) solid rocket fuel?
1) Ring up your best friend. Say “Hey do you have a rocket?” Hell reply no. “Really, I do”. Then hang up.
2) Put it in front of your crotch and pretend its your pen!s.
3) Attach it to the side of your car. Install two red trigger buttons on your steering wheel and every time youre stuck in traffic, pretend youre firing that nasty looking missile into the cream coloured Honda Accord in front of you.
4) Use it to open bottles of beer, or flip bits of steak on the BBQ. Women may pass out at the sheer manliness of it all.
5) Loan it to your child for their science project. Good luck Dad with child who constructed paper mache volcano. 2nd place is a b!tch.
Not only are you buying the coolest thing youve ever purchased in your life, youre also helping out sick kids as all proceeds will be going to the Starship Hospital. The possibility of you getting lucky tonight after you drop that bomb on your wife just tripled my friend.