Island Wars

7:30pm Sunday, September 13 on TV2

Tonight on TV2, it’s bigger than the Bledisloe in the ultimate battle between Australia and New Zealand – the Island Wars finals!

It’s do or die for our last remaining Kiwi, the mighty Logan Swann. Up against three Australians, Logan faces a series of daunting challenges in his quest for trans-Tasman domination. in the other camp, the flirtation between Craig and Jaime seems to have come unstuck, and Craig is in the girls’ bad books for getting Jaime into the final over Amelia.

“He realises he’s been had by Jaime,” explains Executive producer Maria Handas. “The blonde party girl says that she didn’t ask him to get her into the final, and frankly ‘if he wants a wife, he needs to look for one on the farm.’ Boy do things get tense in camp. His mates warned him about girls like her and he fell for it hook line and sinker.”

And as Aussie ‘funny chick’ Amelia helpfully puts it, “farm dogs and city poodles don’t make good babies.”

Back in the game, and the finalists have to face Slugstocks, one of the most gruesome challenges yet, which sees the group locked into stocks with their foot just over a hairpin trigger, which, when touched, releases all kinds of unpleasantness.

“When they drop their leg onto the trigger, they end up covered in dirty, smelly, slimy sea slugs that excrete what looks like intestines – it’s nasty,” Handas explains. “The challenge is intense. You could cut the air with a knife – the focus, the determination, the deep concentration. You just want our man Logan to make it through.”

For Handas, the show tested her impartiality to the utmost. “Finally we find out who has what it takes to win it for their country – this is the grand finale, someone will be going home with all that money, and as unprejudiced, unbiased, and neutral as we are – lets hope it’s not an Aussie, and it’s Logan Swann!”

After the ickiness of the sea-slugs, the finalists will have a mad dash across an obstacle course to get their hands on the cash. Who will prevail and bag the $25,000 grand prize, and, more importantly, who will claim the ultimate glory for their country?

If you have missed an episode, full episodes of Island Wars will be available free online 12 hours after the show has aired on TV2. Go to and click the ‘ondemand’ button.

7:30pm Sunday, September 6 on TV2

It’s down to the wire for the final four, this week on Island Wars, and lone Kiwi Logan Swann is feeling the heat.

Emerging as the Kiwi team leader early on in the competition, Logan is now the sole New Zealander left on the island, with three increasingly competitive Australians. The Aussies are having a few troubles of their own, with in-house battles as tensions run high, and, adding to this, a lover’s tiff causes a rift in the camp of our trans-Tasman neighbours.

Can our Kiwi hero fight off the Aussie army or will he get caught in the crossfire?

7:30pm Sunday, August 16 on TV2

This week in Island Wars, it’s carnage in the Cook Islands as the battle between the Aussies and Kiwis escalates.

The competition all gets a bit too much for Miss New Zealand, who gets a face full of cockroaches and spits the dummy, while Logan Swann finally meets his match – the formidable Aussie women.

With Mike Havoc and Dave Fane at the helm, this is more than a reality show – it’s a trans-Tasman battle for ultimate supremacy, as the teams try to out-do each other in a series of hilarious challenges designed to find out once and for all who’s the best.
Photo: Laural Barrett.

Sunday 2 August, 7.30pm

The competition heats up on Island Wars this week, as an old trans-Tasman rivalry is reignited in the tropical Cook Islands.

It’s not a game show – it’s war! Hosts Mikey Havoc and Dave Fane are caught in the crossfire as a game of ‘bubble bullrush’ turns into an all-out scrap between our two sporting giants Logan Swann and Jason Stevens. With calls questioning fair play, it would seem some things just don’t change.

New Zealand’s funny chick, Jan Maree was the unlucky Kiwi to cop the giant Aussie shoulder of Jason Stevens as he ‘bull rushed’ his bubble through the Kiwis. “All I know was that I ran towards the bubble blind folded and next thing there was a mammoth smack to my face.” Jan Maree recounts. “It was pretty full on because I was knocked over…I freaked and thought I tasted blood but the game was still in play so I got up and kept going.”

“I figured there was no point in making a drama out of it because it simply adds character to the mug of a comedian,” she laughs. “And even if my nose was broken, at least my teeth were ok!”

With Logan standing in to defend his team-mate, it was up to ex-bouncer, and Island Wars host, Dave Fane to step in between the two giants and break up the fray. “It’s the closest I’ve ever come to playing in the NRL!” Fane laughs.

“If there had been a hero parade there I would have been the happiest man there, sandwiched between the two sportsmen,” Fane adds with tongue firmly in cheek.

Facing an increasingly strong Aussie onslaught as the competition progresses on the island, the Kiwis are standing firmly arm in arm.

“I was really flattered that Loges went so willingly in to defend my honour and I guess that was because he is like the dad of the team, always calm and wise and a great sense of justice,” Jan Maree reflects about the incident.

Also on this week, Australia vs New Zealand doesn’t get much better than this as our two teams lock swords on ‘The Ringer’, while Miss Universe New Zealand is forced to eat pigs rectums for her country.

If you have missed an episode, full episodes of Island Wars will be available free online 12 hours after the show has aired on TV2. Go to and click the ‘watch episode’ button.

It’s a mix of fear factor, top town and survivor all rolled into one cheaply produced programme that does nothing for originality but then again when has this time slot on TV 2 ever taken that into consideration?

Where presented with the usual line up of E grade celebrities some with the vague title of “funny fat guy”. I thought that’s what the two presenters (Mike Havoc and Dave Fane) were for but apparently you can’t get too many. Sadly none of these characters are particularly charismatic or likeable, the fact they looked like they were having a great time on a pacific island and I’m stuck inside on a cold Sunday night didn’t help matters either . I’m sure if they didn’t censor Jan Maree and let her deliver her usually brand of shock comedy it might pick up the interest level but this is family fair prime time after all…..sigh.

HOWEVER….the show seems to realise its ridiculousness and embrace it in a way that we haven’t seen since the genre bending “living the dream”. You could view this as TVNZ softening the edge to reality television that took itself FAR too serious but it ends up coming over as an admission of guilt.

“People, we’re really sorry we’re serving you up this crap but really nothing else is going to sell at the moment and everyone’s just trying to get a pay check and keep working so bear with us? Cheers”

And in that regard I quite like the show. Playing up a Trans-Tasman rivalry is a great idea but you can’t get past the fact that you’ve seen this all before. The hot chick, the sports star, the rough rural boys and to be honest I was consistently checking the time to see how much more was left to endure. Funnily enough the kiwis lost this first round and voted off the fat funny guy leaving what will obviously be a much better looking and therefore achieving higher ratings potential as Mike Havoc was so eager to remind us how “Hot” the former kiwi league star was.

It’s dead in the water mindless family entertainment, but then again….what did you expect?

ISLAND WARS screens Sunday 7:30pm on TV2 and is available at TVNZ On Demand

Sunday 12 July, 7.30pm

What happens when you put two funny guys, six New Zealanders and six Australians on an island and leave them to fight over $25,000? It’s an all-out war on TV2’s brand new series Island Wars.

This new entertainment show sees teams from New Zealand and Australia compete in a series of comical challenges – to find out once and for all who is the best in this great trans-Tasman rivalry. It’s one hell of a battle…all the time watched over by umpires Mike Havoc and Dave Fane.

Fane says the show is hilarious. “What is really exciting and funny about the show is it’s like watching unruly cousins, playing in your uncle’s yard. The Aussies and the Kiwis are so quintessentially alike but also polar opposites. It was like a study in humanity!”

Set on a paradise island in the Cook Islands, Island Wars sees beauty queens, comedians, ‘It’ girls, sportsmen, big guys and country men go head-to-head as the two camps representing their two countries face extreme challenges and crazy games.

Fane says it will be a tough competition. “The two teams are pretty well matched, but just wait to see who employs their conniving trickery to get ahead in the competition!”

Every challenge is a deadly-serious contest between the Aussies and the Kiwis, except in the view of onlookers, Mike Havoc and Dave Fane who will put all sorts of obstacles in the way of success.

“Basically you take two big kids and tell them to play around, and that’s what we do,” chuckles Fane.

Speaking about the island life, Fane says both he and Havoc revelled in it. “It is a harsh environment to work in, but I am used to the hardship, the elements, the lack of luxury, and I just have no idea how Mikey managed to pull it off. He always looked so relaxed and calm! It was a monster gig, we had a ball.”

Tune in tonight for the premiere of Island Wars, where the Aussies and Kiwis arrive in the Cook Islands for round one of extreme challenges, and battle giant sea-slugs and each other in their fight to win the best camp on the island. It’s all-out war in this hilarious trans-Tasman clash as both teams face a secret elimination.

If you have missed an episode, full episodes of Island Wars will be available free online 12 hours after the show has aired on TV2. Go to and click the ‘on demand’ button.